First off, in case you haven’t noticed I like to use “…”, really, it’s just fun to do in my plain everyday knock your socks off writing. I try not to use it so much in my professional writing but it does happen.
Now onto what is on my mind, WRITING A BOOK. Writing a book is a scary process, at least it is for me. I am a slow writer so my mind starts to wander on the story sometimes. I’m constantly wondering how I can make it better or how I can create it to accurately represent my thought/ideas. Sometimes as I’m writing I realize that maybe I want to change my story completely. Sometimes I’ll be watching Criminal Minds on TV and I think to myself “I need something a little crazier just like this”. Often my mind gets creative when I’m watching a fast-paced movie and I immediately have to grab my notebook and start taking notes and ideas. Sometimes I can jot down a whole scene. I’ll never steal something from another source, no matter how I wish I would have come up with it myself. But that doesn’t mean my imagination doesn’t spark while reading or watching something awesome.
I started to redirect my current story just the other day, but then I stopped and thought it through before going ahead…and I realized it was too similar to another story I read years ago. That sucked.
So I stuck with the same path I had already started…and I am still on. My “outline” was just a starting point for me and I realize now that I need to go over it again. And again. And again.
The thing about writing a book is (for me) the story has a life of it’s own. I can shape the ending but it seems the story just happens as it happens. This can be a good thing and a terribly terrible horrible thing. I remember learning about foreshadowing when I was young (possibly elementary, Idk), but how is that supposed to happen if I create the story as it happens? How can one idea flow into another accurately if forethought isn’t used? I don’t know.
I’m coming up with most of this as it comes to me.
The good thing about writing a book is…I can always change it.
See ya soon,
I wonder sometimes if creating a book is worth it. I loved writing it. I loved how my mind wandered into a world unknown. I loved knowing that no matter what I would be proud of my work. Since Surviving is my first book I knew it wouldn’t be perfect. I tried and that is all I will ever be able to do. Let me tell you something: I AM NOT CONFIDENT. I have never been confident at anything except singing (because I will admit, I am good at that, but how am I supposed to make a career of that?!). I played the flute in college and my downfall was the fact that I was not confident enough. I struggled because I was so afraid of what everyone would think of my playing. The reason I kept playing was the fact that I loved music so much. And the fact that I love to be on stage.
Writing is another outlet for me and I will continue to do it. I will continue to learn. I will get better. I know these things, but when I see one (or now two) of the very few books I’m selling returned…I feel helpless inside. I am a very emotional person. I always have been and putting my work out there for the world to see was a risk for my fragile heart. I read all these things talking about these books that are out there overflowing the market that are basically poop, only bringing down other’s hard work. And I wonder to myself, is my book one of those? Did I put myself out there only to help with overflow that is a load of crap? Because, come one, there are “books” out there that should not be out there. I’m not talking about erotica or any genre. I am talking about the writings that are halfway put together. The writings that have mistake after mistake after mistake.Sure, Surviving has plenty of mistakes, but I’m not talking about the mistakes that can easily be missed by an author who wants to put his or her work out there but barely has a dime much less money to hire someone to edit it (like myself).
What about all this marketing bull-hockey? I don’t even want to go there. I’ve spent way more on my book than I have earned. I wonder if I’ll ever actually make a profit.
Oh, hang on a moment. I think I went on a rant…
I am a person. I am not perfect, no matter how I wish I could be. I have to remind myself of this often. As I was saying earlier, I am an emotional person so when I see those books returned, I feel so terrible. But when someone actually likes my story and understands it…wow. My heart feels like a new spring flower opening, blooming, taking in the bright sunlight. But no matter what I tell myself: “you are writing for yourself”, “it doesn’t matter what other people think”, or “as long as I’m doing something I love”, it still hurts my heart that I’m not a better writer or that I didn’t make my story as “great” as it could have been.
No matter what, I will keep on keeping on and learn from my mistakes and successes.
Okay, at the moment I am working on promoting my latest release (also my first) SURVIVING. But anyone who has read ANY of my blog posts knows that. I am however, working on a different piece and my mind is currently swirling with the story. I wish I could share but that would just be a terrible terrible thing. I would never want to ruin a good book before it has even been written.
So, what I wanted to talk about is my writing process at the moment. With my first book I kind of knew what I wanted to happen and in a way I made that happen. More than anything however, the story took a life of it’s own. There was an event I wanted to include in it but it never happened and really just didn’t work per the timeline and story line I set forth. I can’t tell you what it is because one day I will put it into a book. I just know it. Anyhow…writing SURVIVING I never created an outline, something I wanted to try with my current novel. I wrote quite a bit in college and I never like writing those blasted outlines no matter what subject it was for. I do admit, they came in handy at times. I don’t think I can work like that with a story. In my head, I know the story and I know about how I want it to go but it flows how it flows. It will NOT always go the way I want it to go. I tried to do it. It didn’t work.
In the book I am currently writing, I am trying a different approach. I am starting with “parts”. It’s similar to how an outline would be constructed but it’s still different from how I’ve written outlines in the past. I am hoping it will keep the flow a little better than in SURVIVING. Does this make any sense?
I’m hoping whoever reads this knows that this whole blog post is mostly for my benefit and no one else. I wanted to write it out where if anyone happens to have a comment on this concept he or she can do so.
Anyone read Maybe Someday???????
I did! I did!!